Cognitive Surplus

I spent the majority of my lunch hour today trying to figure out all the ways that someone could use the phrase "That's so phallic it hurts" in casual conversation. Most of them involved prison and soap-dropping. That's really the type of thing that occupies my mind whenever I'm awake, even though I'm supposed to be "working" or whatever. I'm not sure if that makes me weird, crazy, or some sort of absent-minded genius. Though I suppose none of those options are fundamentally exclusive concerning the other two.

If I could somehow tap into that cognitive surplus, I think it would be safe to say, without veering too close to hyperbole, that I could solve all the world's problems, undo reality with a single thought, say "chubby bunny" with over nine hundred marshmallows in my mouth, and finally understand why anyone gives a crap about Tyler Perry. Why can't I use this brain power for something good, or at the very least, neutral? Does everyone else waste that much time and effort on something equally as meaningless? Is it at all ironic that I wrote a blog post that will be read by approximately four and a half people on this subject? Maybe the world is actually a safer place because of my inability to focus on anything of importance whatsoever.

Or maybe that half-assed justification is the only thing keeping me from going completely insane. Either way, I doubt I can stop.