"I'm A Consultant"

I don't know about you, but when I hear those three words strung together, it sends a chill down my spine. I hate hearing someone tell me that they're a consultant. It's not a real job. You want to know what a consultant REALLY is? It's a guy who thinks he knows more than he really does about a particular industry in which he is currently NOT WORKING. That's a consultant. I guess instead of telling people I'm in a "transitional phase," I should just say I'm a consultant. At least that way, it makes me sound like I know what kind of job I don't yet have. I mean, when I say I'm looking for a job, most people take a good, long look at me, and assume I'm a male prostitute. I know I can't really blame them, but it hurts nonetheless. Consulting, however, is a perfectly ambiguous term that seems to guarantee both that people will give me more respect than I deserve, and that they'll remain completely clueless as to what I actually do. That, my friends, is a powerful thing.