Happy Frickin Halloween
As of a few days ago (7, to be exact), this blog is officially one year old! I can't believe I've lasted this long. I thought I had enough material floating around in my head for maybe five or six posts. But here I am, several hundred posts and about 65,000 words later, and I think there are some people who actually read this thing! Yesssss!
I don't think there's a holiday in America about which I care less than Halloween. I'm seriously. That even includes Columbus Day and Pancho Villa's birthday. There's just nothing all that special about Halloween for me. Maybe that'll change next year when I'm legal, but I suspect not. If I hate things like "being dressed up" and "talking to people" and "not being antisocial" and "trying not to fall asleep while someone is talking to me" perfectly sober, then I'll assume I'm gonna hate them drunk, as well. (It's a joke, Dad. I know you're reading this. Jeez, it's like I have no privacy anymore...)
I always wanted to liven up my own Halloween experiences by dressing up like the Scream killer and chasing kids away from my house. Then, if their parents got all pissed at me for scarring their children for life, I'd shoot 'em in the face with a paintball gun. Now that's a good Halloween memory. Why can't I do stuff like that? Instead, most of my Halloween canon of memories is taken up by dressing up like a bum for like 5 years in a row. What a crappy holiday.
Anyone who says your favorite holiday is Halloween, stop reading now, log off the internet, write a heartfelt note, get a pencil, sharpen it, and please shove it in your ear. I mean, Valentine's Day sucks harder than Ryan Seacrest, but I'd still take it over Halloween. If Halloween is your favorite holiday, it's probably because you were ugly as a child, and once a year, you were able to go outside in a mask without people staring and pointing and writing emo songs about you. Now, I'm not completely insensitive. That's a very nice sentiment. OK, now that I've said that, shut up about it. Get over yourself. Grow up, move out of your parents' basement, stop playing role-playing games with your other 35-year-old friends, and stop voting Green Party.
I suppose I'd like Halloween too, if I were neglected by my alcoholic parents and forced to go to a trade school after graduating at the bottom of my high school equivalency test class. Hey, these things happen.
I don't think there's a holiday in America about which I care less than Halloween. I'm seriously. That even includes Columbus Day and Pancho Villa's birthday. There's just nothing all that special about Halloween for me. Maybe that'll change next year when I'm legal, but I suspect not. If I hate things like "being dressed up" and "talking to people" and "not being antisocial" and "trying not to fall asleep while someone is talking to me" perfectly sober, then I'll assume I'm gonna hate them drunk, as well. (It's a joke, Dad. I know you're reading this. Jeez, it's like I have no privacy anymore...)
I always wanted to liven up my own Halloween experiences by dressing up like the Scream killer and chasing kids away from my house. Then, if their parents got all pissed at me for scarring their children for life, I'd shoot 'em in the face with a paintball gun. Now that's a good Halloween memory. Why can't I do stuff like that? Instead, most of my Halloween canon of memories is taken up by dressing up like a bum for like 5 years in a row. What a crappy holiday.
Anyone who says your favorite holiday is Halloween, stop reading now, log off the internet, write a heartfelt note, get a pencil, sharpen it, and please shove it in your ear. I mean, Valentine's Day sucks harder than Ryan Seacrest, but I'd still take it over Halloween. If Halloween is your favorite holiday, it's probably because you were ugly as a child, and once a year, you were able to go outside in a mask without people staring and pointing and writing emo songs about you. Now, I'm not completely insensitive. That's a very nice sentiment. OK, now that I've said that, shut up about it. Get over yourself. Grow up, move out of your parents' basement, stop playing role-playing games with your other 35-year-old friends, and stop voting Green Party.
I suppose I'd like Halloween too, if I were neglected by my alcoholic parents and forced to go to a trade school after graduating at the bottom of my high school equivalency test class. Hey, these things happen.
posted by Vaughan at
1:09 PM
1 Comments:
I hope you were kidding about the "I'm seriously" remark. You of all people should recognize a reference to South Park when you see one.
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