Christmas Trees Are Scary

I was walking downstairs last night to get a glass of water or my bong or something... I can't quite remember. Anyway, I stopped dead in my tracks about three feet from our family Christmas tree, because I thought it was something else. What, exactly, I am not sure. But something. Maybe I thought it was a huge statue of Paul Bunyan coming to eat me after I'd made some uncouth jokes about blue oxen. Who knows? Whatever the reason, I was startled by the thing. That tree was lucky, because I came *this* close to nunchucking it's leafy ass. It wouldn't have even seen it coming. I'm faster than an armor-piercing bullet. But not a regular one. I don't know why I was so startled by the tree. It just loooks downright creepy. Think about it. It's a giant, triangular object with spikey needles all over it, and it's covered in strange, seemingly out of place red glass balls and wooden carvings of snowmen on sleds. Dude, you have to admit that it's at least a little creepy. OK, fine. I'm crazy. Happy now?