An Open Letter To The Principals Of Every School In The Country
Dear sirs (because women shouldn't be principals),
I was saddened and dismayed to see a tv ad featuring Lisa Kudrow asking for donations to a fund whose purpose is to reinstate or rebuild fine arts programs in schools. This is a grave problem that should be nipped in the bud. Fine arts programs in schools are ruining America. There are already 100,000 out-of-work actors in the city of Los Angeles alone, not to mention the countless others in New York, Chicago, and Duluth, Minnesota.
There will never be enough crappy tv shows on at once, despite the FOX network's sincerest efforts to the contrary, to support all the wide-eyed dreaming idiots who think they've got a shot. There will always be a steady stream of terrible actors and actresses ready to star in pornos until their "real career picks up." We don't need any more of them being trained in such inanities by the pissed-off ravings of some gin-soaked soap opera reject who could only get a job teaching on the condition that he keep his drinking "moderate" around the children.
We don't need any more loser actors sleeping in their cars and keeping themselves afloat by busing tables and turning a few tricks on the side. What we really need is an entire legion of snow plow drivers. The streets of Colorado Springs are covered in ice because of our severe lack of plow drivers that "know how to drive" or "give a crap at all." We need more people to pump my gas when it's too cold for me to do it myself. We need people to shine my shoes and get me my slippers and fetch my pipe and generally make me fell better about myself. These wannabe thespians aren't going to be doing this type of "uncreative" work while they're looking for their big break hosting a failed tv game show pilot.
I say, down with the renewal of fine arts programs in America. They're just fostering that ridiculous idea that people can be anything if they put their minds to it. I don't know who first said that, but I'm sure he was an actor.
Sincerely,
Andrew "I eat actors for breakfast" Vaughan
I was saddened and dismayed to see a tv ad featuring Lisa Kudrow asking for donations to a fund whose purpose is to reinstate or rebuild fine arts programs in schools. This is a grave problem that should be nipped in the bud. Fine arts programs in schools are ruining America. There are already 100,000 out-of-work actors in the city of Los Angeles alone, not to mention the countless others in New York, Chicago, and Duluth, Minnesota.
There will never be enough crappy tv shows on at once, despite the FOX network's sincerest efforts to the contrary, to support all the wide-eyed dreaming idiots who think they've got a shot. There will always be a steady stream of terrible actors and actresses ready to star in pornos until their "real career picks up." We don't need any more of them being trained in such inanities by the pissed-off ravings of some gin-soaked soap opera reject who could only get a job teaching on the condition that he keep his drinking "moderate" around the children.
We don't need any more loser actors sleeping in their cars and keeping themselves afloat by busing tables and turning a few tricks on the side. What we really need is an entire legion of snow plow drivers. The streets of Colorado Springs are covered in ice because of our severe lack of plow drivers that "know how to drive" or "give a crap at all." We need more people to pump my gas when it's too cold for me to do it myself. We need people to shine my shoes and get me my slippers and fetch my pipe and generally make me fell better about myself. These wannabe thespians aren't going to be doing this type of "uncreative" work while they're looking for their big break hosting a failed tv game show pilot.
I say, down with the renewal of fine arts programs in America. They're just fostering that ridiculous idea that people can be anything if they put their minds to it. I don't know who first said that, but I'm sure he was an actor.
Sincerely,
Andrew "I eat actors for breakfast" Vaughan
posted by Vaughan at
10:45 PM
1 Comments:
I agree.
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