My First Real Spring Break

For as long as I can remember, a Spring Break in the Reed household has meant a week of sitting inside, trying to keep warm because of the three feet of snow and the 60-mile-an-hour winds, and complaining about how we never do anything for Spring Break. Not so this year, my friends. We're going on a cruise. I'm headed down to Galveston, Texas and boarding a ship bound for three different cities in Mexico and one in Belize. I'm so stoked about this trip, I actually punched a baby in the face on my way home today. Why would I do that? Because that's how stoked people act, jackass.

I plan on spending the entire time eating. If I don't gain at least eight pounds on this trip, I have failed. Seeing as how it's taken me just under six years to gain fifteen pounds, I'd say I've got my work cut out for me. I'm going to start with the lobster, but if that doesn't work, I'm going to cheat a little and stack up on carbs. This may also mean that I'll actually have to get up before 11 every day and eat breakfast. Ah, the sacrifices we make for our goals...

I have a paper due on the Tuesday we get back from Spring Break. I am not happy about this. It's supposed to be on a creative figure. Like a sort of biography. I don't care about creative figures. I don't care about papers. I don't care about class. Hell, I don't even care about YOU for the next week. I've been far too stressed lately, what with the three days of classes and waking up at the crack of noon. It really takes a lot out of a guy. Well, that, and the constantly watching TV and movies. I need a break. I need to get away from it all. I need to clear my head. I need to just relax for a week on a floating mansion and eat to my heart's content. And that's exactly what I'm going to do.

We're not going alone. It's not just my immediate family. We're headed down with my cousins and my aunt and uncle and their family friends as well. All in all, we're driving fourteen people down to Texas in a motorhome built for... not fourteen people. It'll be quite an experience. I suggested drugging some of the little ones and stacking them in the back until we get to Galveston. This suggestion was met with laughter from the parents and more than a few scowls from my brother and youngest cousin. I still think it's a pretty damn good idea. I'm hoping to be able to sleep for most of the drive, but I doubt that will be the case. More than likely, I'll end up staying up all night, completely wired with a combination of caffeine and excitement about the cruise. I get excited easily.

Most of all, I'm hoping to practice being a barfly. I want to hang around one of the bars and meet an old man who is so impressed with my youthful vigor and sharp wit that we become instant friends and he offers me a job after I graduate from college and tells me that he has a beautiful granddaughter about my age. That could totally happen. If you don't believe me, then you're not invited to our wedding.