Two friends just hangin' out

Bill: Those penniless kids in Africa get all the breaks.

Ruprecht: Um... I'm sorry?

Bill: Those kids in Africa, the ones with the tapeworms and the flies and the mud huts and the AIDS, they're so lucky.

Ruprecht: OK, I'm gonna stand over here now, as it's only a matter of time before you're struck dead by God's vengeful wrath and wrathful vengeance. (looks up at ceiling) Please don't smite me, Lord. I'm just his roommate. And also, he steals.

Bill: Whatevs, dude. It's a legitimate point.

Ruprecht: (laughs) Uh, I'm pretty sure it's safe to say that complaining that starving children in Africa are "lucky" is in no way a legitimate point.

Bill: No, but think about it-

Ruprecht: (interrupting) I'd rather not.

Bill: Just let me explain.

Ruprecht: Alright, lay it on me, homeslice.

Bill: "Homeslice"? You're such a nerd.

Ruprecht: Huh?

Bill: What is this? 1994? That's so old.

Ruprecht: It's retro.

Bill: No, it's just old. You sound like an 80-year-old grandmother trying to sound cool in front of her grandson... who is in kindergarten... and is a loser... but still cooler than you.

Ruprecht: I'm bringing it back.

Bill: You're not cool enough to bring anything back.

Ruprecht: At least I didn't say starving African children with broken legs are lucky.

Bill: I never said broken legs.

Ruprecht: I know, but that made it sound better.

Bill: Anyway, ignoring that... It's simple. What kind of people visit Africa?

Ruprecht: Missionaries.

Bill: Besides them.

Ruprecht: British doctors.

Bill: (annoyed) Nice one, Livingstone. Way to make a 130-year-old reference there, dude.

Ruprecht: No, but Livingstone was the doctor. You mean Stanley.

Bill: (extremely annoyed) What are you talking about?

Ruprecht: Stanley. That was the guy who said, "Doctor Livingstone, I presume?" You were talking about Stanley.

Bill: No, idiot, I was talking about Livingstone. You said "British doctors" and I said "Livingstone," who was the doctor.

Ruprecht: Anyway, please continue.

Bill: Celebrities!

Ruprecht: What?

Bill: Celebrities go to Africa all the time.

Ruprecht: So?

Bill: So where do they go?

Ruprecht: I dunno. Didn't Dave Chappelle go to, like, a spa or something?

Bill: No, I don't mean when they go there on vacation. I mean, like, when they go to help kids and give them rice and pretend they care about them.

(pause)

Ruprecht: I guess I'm not following.

Bill: Oh, come one! They get to meet celebrities! And they get free t-shirts! And food! For nothing!

Ruprecht: Yeah, but they're still living in crappy little huts and eating one meal a day, and that's only a bowl of steamed rice anyway, and they're probably oppressed on a daily basis by brutal dictators. How would meeting some hoe-bag like Angelina Jolie help them forget that they live in a state that makes squalor look good by comparison?

Bill: But they're meeting celebrities! Have you ever met a celebrity?

Ruprecht: Well, once I thought I saw Julia Roberts, but then it turned out to be just a kid with Down Syndrome.

Bill: Well, that's kinda the same.

Ruprecht: Not really.

Bill: So, really, if you think about it, those African kids have one up on you.

Ruprecht: So you're saying that because they've met celebrities, they're better than me?

Bill: (incredulous) Um, of course.

Ruprecht: Dude, you're so goin' to hell.

Bill: Yeah, probably.