All Your "Lost" Questions Answered
I just finished the third season of "Lost," and I've had an apostrophe. If you're a fan and you haven't finished the newest season on DVD yet, I'd recommend you just stop reading here. I've figured out the answer to every single question anyone has ever had about the show. Step into my office...
After reading through hundreds of individual theories concerning the nature of the island, the reason for the numbers, the bizarre coincidences surrounding the lives of the survivors before the crash, the Dharma Initiative, that damn polar bear from the pilot, The Others, and Jacob, and I'm proud to announce to you that everything has a perfectly logical explanation: It's a bloody television show! I know some of you hardcore fans are shocked to hear this, but cross my heart and hope to die, it's the truth.
OK, so many of you non-fans aren't at all surprised by this revelation, but trust me; it's a huge breakthrough. Think about it. The producers have wholeheartedly denied all of the following theories: the numbers are "magic," the survivors are in purgatory or Hell, all of the events are taking place in the mind of one individual (possibly a dream), the survivors are all unwitting contestants on a reality show, the "monster" is a plume of killer nanorobots ala "Prey," the survivors are caught in some sort of time warp, aliens somehow influence the events on the island, all the events are taking place in a snow globe, some things that happen are supernatural or spiritual in nature. Do you know what that means? It means the writers will not be able to simply explain away events by playing the "supernatural" card. A corollary of this fact is that the writers will be forced to explain everything that has happened so far (and everything that has yet to happen in the final three seasons of the show) with scientific (or at the very least scientific-sounding) evidence.
Another interesting bit of trivia I've discovered concerning the show is that they were granted a request to limit the final three seasons of the show to 16 episodes. This was done because, as many fans will attest, the whole first half of the third season sucked. "Why is that so interesting, Andrew?" you may ask. Well, I'll tell you, but you should know it's rude to interrupt. It means what many fans have known since about the fourth episode: Many episodes are written as mere filler. That means not everything we've seen is important to the grand mythology of the show. That, in turn, means that not everything will be answered. Not all the mysteries actually pertain to the main plot.
Anyway, I said all that to say this: The writers may indeed have an awesome explanation and a shocking finale already in mind for the show (and they've admitted as much), but in the grand scheme of things, not everything will be answered because, let's face it, it's not written by God. It's written by people who somehow got you to believe that an extremely intelligent and capable espionage agent was tricked into thinking she was working for the CIA when, in reality, she was working for a terrorist organization. The explanation, no matter how thorough it may be, will not, I say again, will not answer everything. There's no possible way to explain the numbers, the coincidences, the monster, the button, the four-toed statue, and The Others without a "Dallas"-style "screw you" answer. Mark my words.
Oh, and I even know who Jacob is, and his exact function on the show. I knew it as soon as I "saw" him. Jacob's purpose and his function are actually the same as his last name, and that's MacGuffin.
After reading through hundreds of individual theories concerning the nature of the island, the reason for the numbers, the bizarre coincidences surrounding the lives of the survivors before the crash, the Dharma Initiative, that damn polar bear from the pilot, The Others, and Jacob, and I'm proud to announce to you that everything has a perfectly logical explanation: It's a bloody television show! I know some of you hardcore fans are shocked to hear this, but cross my heart and hope to die, it's the truth.
OK, so many of you non-fans aren't at all surprised by this revelation, but trust me; it's a huge breakthrough. Think about it. The producers have wholeheartedly denied all of the following theories: the numbers are "magic," the survivors are in purgatory or Hell, all of the events are taking place in the mind of one individual (possibly a dream), the survivors are all unwitting contestants on a reality show, the "monster" is a plume of killer nanorobots ala "Prey," the survivors are caught in some sort of time warp, aliens somehow influence the events on the island, all the events are taking place in a snow globe, some things that happen are supernatural or spiritual in nature. Do you know what that means? It means the writers will not be able to simply explain away events by playing the "supernatural" card. A corollary of this fact is that the writers will be forced to explain everything that has happened so far (and everything that has yet to happen in the final three seasons of the show) with scientific (or at the very least scientific-sounding) evidence.
Another interesting bit of trivia I've discovered concerning the show is that they were granted a request to limit the final three seasons of the show to 16 episodes. This was done because, as many fans will attest, the whole first half of the third season sucked. "Why is that so interesting, Andrew?" you may ask. Well, I'll tell you, but you should know it's rude to interrupt. It means what many fans have known since about the fourth episode: Many episodes are written as mere filler. That means not everything we've seen is important to the grand mythology of the show. That, in turn, means that not everything will be answered. Not all the mysteries actually pertain to the main plot.
Anyway, I said all that to say this: The writers may indeed have an awesome explanation and a shocking finale already in mind for the show (and they've admitted as much), but in the grand scheme of things, not everything will be answered because, let's face it, it's not written by God. It's written by people who somehow got you to believe that an extremely intelligent and capable espionage agent was tricked into thinking she was working for the CIA when, in reality, she was working for a terrorist organization. The explanation, no matter how thorough it may be, will not, I say again, will not answer everything. There's no possible way to explain the numbers, the coincidences, the monster, the button, the four-toed statue, and The Others without a "Dallas"-style "screw you" answer. Mark my words.
Oh, and I even know who Jacob is, and his exact function on the show. I knew it as soon as I "saw" him. Jacob's purpose and his function are actually the same as his last name, and that's MacGuffin.
posted by Vaughan at
10:18 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home