"I got a huge phlegm ball in my mouth when I was driving over here. Good thing I had your wedding invitation in my car."
I actually said that to someone. Is that rude? I didn't think so.
I seem to have a problem with blurting things out when it would clearly serve my best interests not to do so. I'm honest. Maybe a little too honest...
The "I call it like it is" defense doesn't fly most of the time. People apparently don't want to know "how it is." At least that's my personal experience. When asked by a girl what kind of hat would look best on her, I said, "A ski mask." Now, in that particular instance, I wasn't "calling it like it was." Obviously, I was joking. Some of the other people around, however, did not think it was funny, which, of course, made it all the funnier to me.
One time, when I was a little, little kid, I saw an ugly kid on an opposing soccer team. Noting that he looked similar (in the non-ugly parts) to one of my own teammates, I remarked to my friend, "Dude, that kid looks like your illegitimate love-child with Barbara Streisand." I wasn't trying to be funny or anything like that. I sincerely thought that was an accurate appraisal of the other kid's looks. The friend thought otherwise.
One day at work, I commented to a coworker that her outfit made her "look like a librarian." I intended no ill-will with such a comment, but she apparently thought I was calling her ugly, or whatever. In my mind, it was an objective observation that held no value judgments. In her mind, I was saying she looked like an old maid or something. This was just a few days after I'd gotten into an argument with the same coworker over whether or not "lite" was a real word (it isn't, and if you say otherwise, I'll tell everyone that you touched me in my bathing suit area).
The list goes on and on and on... I have a notebook filled with jokes about the time I accidentally hit on a forty-year-old woman, the time I said that domestic violence was funny, the time I announced that I thought I was coming down with a wicked case of Down Syndrome, etc.
I know the rules of proper decorum, and if it suits my purposes, I'll actually follow them, but most of the time, I just can't help but say something either entirely inappropriate or grossly offensive. Of course, I love it when people get all pissy about things I say, but since I'm gonna have to get a real job someday, I need to be able to control it. Oh well. Maybe I'll hire some sort of midget to sit on my shoulders and whisper things to say right into my ear. That would be awesome.
I seem to have a problem with blurting things out when it would clearly serve my best interests not to do so. I'm honest. Maybe a little too honest...
The "I call it like it is" defense doesn't fly most of the time. People apparently don't want to know "how it is." At least that's my personal experience. When asked by a girl what kind of hat would look best on her, I said, "A ski mask." Now, in that particular instance, I wasn't "calling it like it was." Obviously, I was joking. Some of the other people around, however, did not think it was funny, which, of course, made it all the funnier to me.
One time, when I was a little, little kid, I saw an ugly kid on an opposing soccer team. Noting that he looked similar (in the non-ugly parts) to one of my own teammates, I remarked to my friend, "Dude, that kid looks like your illegitimate love-child with Barbara Streisand." I wasn't trying to be funny or anything like that. I sincerely thought that was an accurate appraisal of the other kid's looks. The friend thought otherwise.
One day at work, I commented to a coworker that her outfit made her "look like a librarian." I intended no ill-will with such a comment, but she apparently thought I was calling her ugly, or whatever. In my mind, it was an objective observation that held no value judgments. In her mind, I was saying she looked like an old maid or something. This was just a few days after I'd gotten into an argument with the same coworker over whether or not "lite" was a real word (it isn't, and if you say otherwise, I'll tell everyone that you touched me in my bathing suit area).
The list goes on and on and on... I have a notebook filled with jokes about the time I accidentally hit on a forty-year-old woman, the time I said that domestic violence was funny, the time I announced that I thought I was coming down with a wicked case of Down Syndrome, etc.
I know the rules of proper decorum, and if it suits my purposes, I'll actually follow them, but most of the time, I just can't help but say something either entirely inappropriate or grossly offensive. Of course, I love it when people get all pissy about things I say, but since I'm gonna have to get a real job someday, I need to be able to control it. Oh well. Maybe I'll hire some sort of midget to sit on my shoulders and whisper things to say right into my ear. That would be awesome.
posted by Vaughan at
3:47 PM
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