I Am Going To Kidnap And Torture My Mailman
It's April 24th, and I was stuck inside all day because of a freak snowstorm. I hate living here. I wouldn't wish Colorado on my worst enemy.
The worst thing, by far, was the fact that I was waiting for a disc from Blockbuster in the mail today, and our lazy-ass mailman didn't deliver any mail at all in my neighborhood. What ever happened to "Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds"? Is that motto supposed to be some kind of joke? A special "in-your-face" kind of irony that is lost on everyone but American citizens? The US Postal Service is a joke. My left nut could deliver mail better. Why do we rely on these nimrods in the first place? We depend on the federal government, that is, the people who were responsible for the Bay of Pigs invasion, to deliver our post and packages? I guess it's true that the public has a very short memory.
It's incredibly difficult to get a job as an urban mail carrier for the US Postal Service. They have waiting lists that are hundreds of names long in some cases. Why? Because it's the second cushiest job in the entire world (the first being the job of US Senator). They get paid $14 an hour to match someone's name and address to the proper mailbox, a duty that clearly takes approximately eight seconds worth of training. Anyone who has ever sent a letter in the mail is more than qualified to work for the Post Office.
I suppose the only limiting criterion for a cantidate for one of these easier-than-falling-off-a-log jobs is that they have to be either psychotic or schizophrenic. You don't hear about FedEx employees going berserk and slaughtering dozens of people. Why, then, is it so different for employees of the US government? I think the answer is quite simple: The government hates you. You're dumb enough to vote to raise your own taxes, so the government has a right to hire incompetent monkeys to deliver your birthday present from your grandparents. Honestly, I'd rather be living in a fascist dictatorship than in this faux-democracy. At least that way I wouldn't have some ridiculous lie about "making a difference" getting shoved down my throat while the government gropes my genitals unceremoniously from behind. At least dictators have the balls to tell it to you straight.
The Post Office raises our postage rates every so often, and I hear another such rate hike is coming soon. Fan-bloody-tastic. Apparently, the government didn't have time to piss in my mouth, so I guess this is just their second choice.
The worst thing, by far, was the fact that I was waiting for a disc from Blockbuster in the mail today, and our lazy-ass mailman didn't deliver any mail at all in my neighborhood. What ever happened to "Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds"? Is that motto supposed to be some kind of joke? A special "in-your-face" kind of irony that is lost on everyone but American citizens? The US Postal Service is a joke. My left nut could deliver mail better. Why do we rely on these nimrods in the first place? We depend on the federal government, that is, the people who were responsible for the Bay of Pigs invasion, to deliver our post and packages? I guess it's true that the public has a very short memory.
It's incredibly difficult to get a job as an urban mail carrier for the US Postal Service. They have waiting lists that are hundreds of names long in some cases. Why? Because it's the second cushiest job in the entire world (the first being the job of US Senator). They get paid $14 an hour to match someone's name and address to the proper mailbox, a duty that clearly takes approximately eight seconds worth of training. Anyone who has ever sent a letter in the mail is more than qualified to work for the Post Office.
I suppose the only limiting criterion for a cantidate for one of these easier-than-falling-off-a-log jobs is that they have to be either psychotic or schizophrenic. You don't hear about FedEx employees going berserk and slaughtering dozens of people. Why, then, is it so different for employees of the US government? I think the answer is quite simple: The government hates you. You're dumb enough to vote to raise your own taxes, so the government has a right to hire incompetent monkeys to deliver your birthday present from your grandparents. Honestly, I'd rather be living in a fascist dictatorship than in this faux-democracy. At least that way I wouldn't have some ridiculous lie about "making a difference" getting shoved down my throat while the government gropes my genitals unceremoniously from behind. At least dictators have the balls to tell it to you straight.
The Post Office raises our postage rates every so often, and I hear another such rate hike is coming soon. Fan-bloody-tastic. Apparently, the government didn't have time to piss in my mouth, so I guess this is just their second choice.
posted by Vaughan at
9:30 PM
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