Want A Cell Phone? Not Until You're Potty Trained.

I can't remember the last time I saw a cell phone commercial that didn't feature pre-adolescents who are too young to operate a phone. Like that charming little Cingular commercial where the girl speaks only in text message shorthand. Nice. Any girl who is too young to visit the "feminine care" section of the grocery store is too young to have a phone, and any girl that age who actually does have her own cell phone has clearly not been punched in the face enough. Why on Earth would you need a phone if you never go anywhere where you can't get a hold of your mom by paging her to the customer service desk at Wal-Mart because you got lost in the "Little Miss" clothing section when you were looking for a brand new pair of Princess Jasmine underwear? You see your friends at school. You see them after school when you play with them. You do not need to send text messages to them when you should be studying for that civics class you're currently failing. Name the Secretary General of the UN, and I'll consider buying you a phone. If I ever have a daughter who asks for a cell phone before she turns 13, I'm going to bash her head against a rock. Retards don't need phones.