Haircut

After watching some retarded guy hit on a poor, defenseless girl in the food court at the mall today, I had a startling realization: All retarded people have the exact same damn haircut. I then imagined the following scenario.

Me: Excuse me, I've been looking for a nice new haircut that will go well with the white stuff that accumulates at the corners of my mouth. Do you think you could take a Bic razor to the sides of my head, and leave the top part all fuzzy and unattractive ala Kevin Bacon in "The River Wild"?

Barber: Oh, yeah. We can do that; no problem. What you want is "The Retard." It's the standard haircut we give to retarded people. That's why you can usually tell a retarded person from about a half a mile away.