If it hadn't been for that stupid plane crash
This would be a much bigger story. Read the article, watch the video, and come back. I'll be waiting.
Back so soon? Alrighty then. Let's get started. AAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA... gasp... HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA... cough! That may be the single funniest thing I've ever seen. "What's financially?" Ha! This kid kills me.
Oh, what was that, Alfie? You're gonna be a good dad? You're gonna feed her an' take care of her an' stuff? I'm sorry, it's just a little hard to hear you over the sound of your undescended testicles.
What? You're gonna have to speak up, young man. Will you be this reticent the first time you have to scold or punish little Maisie? Kids'll jump down your throat if you don't show 'em who's boss. But I'm sure you remember that from your own childhood, way back on Monday.
I guess the best part is knowing that your daughter will be able to wear her mom's hand-me-downs long before they go out of style. Shopping for kids' clothes is such a pain in the prepubescent ass.
You also gave yourself a nice little perk in that you now have a legitimate excuse to stay home from school whenever the hell you want. Wait, I guess it's more likely that you'll either have to drop out completely and/or let your baby mama's parents do most of the raising. That's a pretty sweet gig, now that I think about it. You don't want some little ankle biter bringing you down in your prime burger-flipping days. Diapers ain't free.
And I know you're still on an emotional high right now, what with all the rainbow kisses and butterfly dreams that comprise the first few days of a new parent's life, but I feel the need to point out that babies tend to poop, pee, and drool on EVERYTHING, so it's a really good thing your parents kept those rubber sheets from that bed-wetting phase you went through last month.
Good for you, by the way, for actually wanting to be there for your child's birth, even though, as your dad so eloquently pointed out, you could have "sat at home on [your] Playstation." I'm happy and quite impressed to learn that you were able to overcome all your naivete, inexperience, and immaturity with the simple act of not playing video games for a couple days. Obviously, your dad's almost as smart as you are.
To close, may I offer my sincerest congratulations on getting with an older chick. Bones. Bones all around.
Back so soon? Alrighty then. Let's get started. AAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA... gasp... HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA... cough! That may be the single funniest thing I've ever seen. "What's financially?" Ha! This kid kills me.
Oh, what was that, Alfie? You're gonna be a good dad? You're gonna feed her an' take care of her an' stuff? I'm sorry, it's just a little hard to hear you over the sound of your undescended testicles.
What? You're gonna have to speak up, young man. Will you be this reticent the first time you have to scold or punish little Maisie? Kids'll jump down your throat if you don't show 'em who's boss. But I'm sure you remember that from your own childhood, way back on Monday.
I guess the best part is knowing that your daughter will be able to wear her mom's hand-me-downs long before they go out of style. Shopping for kids' clothes is such a pain in the prepubescent ass.
You also gave yourself a nice little perk in that you now have a legitimate excuse to stay home from school whenever the hell you want. Wait, I guess it's more likely that you'll either have to drop out completely and/or let your baby mama's parents do most of the raising. That's a pretty sweet gig, now that I think about it. You don't want some little ankle biter bringing you down in your prime burger-flipping days. Diapers ain't free.
And I know you're still on an emotional high right now, what with all the rainbow kisses and butterfly dreams that comprise the first few days of a new parent's life, but I feel the need to point out that babies tend to poop, pee, and drool on EVERYTHING, so it's a really good thing your parents kept those rubber sheets from that bed-wetting phase you went through last month.
Good for you, by the way, for actually wanting to be there for your child's birth, even though, as your dad so eloquently pointed out, you could have "sat at home on [your] Playstation." I'm happy and quite impressed to learn that you were able to overcome all your naivete, inexperience, and immaturity with the simple act of not playing video games for a couple days. Obviously, your dad's almost as smart as you are.
To close, may I offer my sincerest congratulations on getting with an older chick. Bones. Bones all around.
posted by Vaughan at
4:55 PM
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