A Trip To Sam's Club

You want to see some weird people? Take a little excursion through Sam's Club. Today, in a forty-minute period, I saw a three-year-old that appeared to weigh almost a hundred pounds, a woman wearing a sweatshirt with an indecipherable slogan on it, and a mother teaching her developmentally-challenged teenager how to "drive" a shopping cart through heavy foot traffic. And that's just a small window into the freak show that is the Colorado Springs Sam's Club. That little fat kid was amazing. He was like two feet tall and almost as wide. He was walking around Sam's Club with a cup full of ice cream, following his mother who had with her what appeared to be a gigantic Little Debbie ultimate sampler. There wasn't a single fruit or vegetable in that cart. Later, I saw this lady wearing a sweatshirt that said "Colorado cigarettes are hands down cheap and deadly." Now, aside from the obvious grammatical awkwardness of the statement itself coupled with the fact that it really makes no sense at all, I was amazed that it was on a sweatshirt. It seemed like something you'd see written on one of those standard t-shirts you see people wearing when they're working out at a YMCA or something. This was a full-blown sweatshirt that probably cost at least $20. I was really glad to see that message, though, because prior to today, I was totally unaware of the fact that cigarettes were deadly. Thank you, good woman, for saving my life! Then there was the kid learning how to operate a shopping cart. That was just plain weird. Sam's Club on a Sunday is not the place to teach your child how to make a left turn across traffic in a busy shopping cart intersection. People were getting pretty mad at this poor duo for getting in their way. I thought it was hilarious.