"Hey, Look! I've Found A Bumper Sticker That Encapsulates My Stupidity!"

I was walking back to my car in the parking garage at UCCS when a strange little bumper sticker caught my eye. It read, "Hate is not a family value." Boy, was I glad to finally put THAT debate to rest. I can't tell you how many times my parents tried to teach me family values, only to get caught up in a heated argument over whether or not hate was one of them. Thank you, kind bumper-sticker man. For without your wise and noble words, I would be lost in a sea of confusion and utter disregard for the feelings of others. Oh wait. I forgot you're a moron.

I can only assume that the bumper sticker in question was referring to the answer most Bush voters gave for why they voted for him over John "I pick my butt with a ketchup bottle" Kerry. They said they were Bush boosters because of his strong family values. Fair enough. Apparently, and this is an assumption as well, the mindless drone who put that bumper sticker on his car was making some sort of wishfully erudite observation about the hilarious stereotype that Republicans "hate" people. This, my ill-informed friend, couldn't be further from the truth.

Amazingly enough, Republicans happen to have this crazy notion that all men are created equal. Now, where would we get a hare-brained idea like that? Surely it couldn't have come from the Declaration of Independence. On the flip side, liberals believe that certain people are owed certain things, whether they work for them or not. Then, they complain about how the government isn't digging deep enough into our pockets to pay for the federally funded programs that have no business being paid for by tax money in the first place. And why not? The rich are evil, oppressive people who deserve to lose every dime of their hard-earned money, and then be forced to suckle at the teat of the federal government. Yeah, that's really "open-minded," you sick communist bastards.

It is true that we hate some people. I hate fat people, for example. Others of us hate whiney, bleeding-heart liberals. Geoff Kruger hates black people. And the list goes on...