Fatburger And Related Musings

I went to the grand opening of the first Fatburger in Colorado Springs a few days ago. My whole family went, actually. We didn't even know it was the grand opening, so it was really kind of an accident. Anyway, we saw a limo and a bunch of people crowded around a tv news cameraman. The subject of the shot turned out to be none other than... you guessed it, Montel Williams. That's right, because when I think greasy, fattening foods, I think about 90 lb black men. He's even shorter in real life than he looks on tv. The guy's seriously, like, 5'6". No joke.

So, anyways, we stood in line for what felt like six and a half hours to get a fatburger. Let me tell you, they do not disappoint. I'm for seriously. It was *almost* as good as an In-N-Out burger. Not quite, but almost. You can't find too many fast food places that'll put sweet relish on their burgers. It was awesome. Probably in the top ten burgers I've EVER HAD.

One thing I noticed was that there were quite a bit more black people at Fatburger than I've ever seen in one place anywhere in Colorado Springs before. It must have been every black person in El Paso county. I mean, there were, like, ten of 'em. Yeah. I'm serious. I guessed that Fatburger must be more popular in black communities than other burger joints. That made me want it even more.

There's nothing better on this planet than black food. Oh, sorry... I meant "soul food." Whatever. It'll always be black food to me. But anyway, I love it. You can't go wrong with chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, biscuits, and gravy. No sir. I look forward to a meal of fried chicken and waffles. Any of you people out in California who've ever been to Roscoe's House of Chicken and Waffles know exactly what I'm talking about. Oh, man, that's some good food. It'd be worth being black just to get some good soul food every day. I decided that it would probably be worth having a college education given to me for free and being hired as a top-ranking government official as a "token" African-American and getting reparations for something that happened to my great-grandfather just to get some good old fashioned homemade black food. Sure, that would be worth it. I wouldn't mind putting up with the horrific stereotypes about athleticism and genital size just for a good plate of chicken and waffles. It would be tough, but I'd put up with the extra points on my college admission consideration so I could have mashed potatoes every day. Quite a trade-off, but I think I'd manage.