Play Ball

I went to a Rockies game last night. My dad had gotten his hands on four free tickets, and we weren't really doing anything, so we decided to go. Man, it was awesome. Oh, not the game. The Rockies suck. But the people-watching was phenomenal there. If you ever want to see the most interesting people you can in the shortest amount of time, go to a baseball game. Now, for those of you who don't live in Colorado, or who have lived out of the state for so long you don't remember, the Rockies play in a stadium called Coors Field. The highlight of my night was hearing a man ask a vendor what kind of beer he had. I almost choked on my hot dog. I also really enjoyed seeing a group of older-than-dirt men sitting together. They'd obviously been friends for longer than I've been alive. I love that. I can't wait 'till I'm an old guy hanging out with my friends that I've had for thirty years. It's gonna be great. I can't imagine anything better in this life. Except for maybe another thing I got to do last night: make fun of drunken baseball fans. The only thing stupider than a baseball fan is a baseball fan who's had one or two or five too many. Awesome. They love to dance, I'll tell you that. I saw one lady who seemed to honestly believe that she was the heir apparent to Ginger Rogers. I couldn't stop laughing, because what she thought she was doing and what she was actually doing couldn't have been more different. She looked like a stroke victim trying to scratch an itch while being restrained by sumo wrestlers. Or maybe like Rip Torn trying to argue with a squad of police officers that he's "not as think as you drunk I am." You guys should try and find that video...