Terrible, Just Terrible

Andrew is taking the day off, so he asked me to fill in for him. I'd like to take this opportunity to, you guessed it, blame more things on president Bush. First of all, I like Andrew. He's a nice guy. Sweet, funny, and the strongest person I've ever known. It's just that he's got his politics all screwed up. How could he, in good conscience, support a president like George Bush? What kind of president takes a vacation in the middle of a tense international conflict without receiving any sort of sexual gratification? I've said it for years: Never trust a commander-in-chief who refuses to be pleasured by his interns. They're the kind of guys you really have to worry about. And what's the deal with Bush refusing to speak to me one-on-one for a second time? I clearly remember learning in elementary school about the people's right to be within slapping distance of their president. Don't even try to tell me that's not true. Besides, what does he have to be afraid of? This is a non-partisan protest of the war in Iraq in general, not of Bush himself. It's not like I ever worked for Michael Moore or anything. Besides, even if it was, it's not like my son is here to tell me I'm wrong. Because of that monster, Bush, my son no longer has the ability to stop me from sullying his patriotic and conservative reputation. Now that he's dead and out of the way, I finally have the freedom to completely undermine everything he ever stood for without worrying about the hassle of knowing that I've pissed him off. In fact, I think it's safe to say I never really liked him much anyway.

-Cindy Sheehan