Now That We've Decided

Colorado had elections last week, as most of you probably know. The one important issue we voted on last week was a couple referenda concerning state tax refunds. Referendum C, which allowed the state government to keep tax refunds that should've been sent back to the people of Colorado months ago, passed. Referendum D, which would have allowed the state to call up any resident of Colorado and anally rape them with a hot curling iron, was thankfully shot down. I thought Colorado was populated by people who could mostly think through basic lines of logic like "getting taxed= you have less money," but unfortunately I was wrong. I decided to put together a list of positives about Referendum C because... well, I'm not sure why, actually.

1. The governor's salary goes up as a result of Ref C. Good cheese comes from happy governors... or something like that. I saw a commercial that said something similar to that. I may have misheard...

2. We'll have more money going to road construction. I've always said that the answer to slow-moving road contruction is unnecessary raises for the guy who turns the sign from "stop" to "slow." Thanks, voters of Colorado!

3. There's no risk of getting those nasty paper cuts on the envelope of your state tax refund, 'cause you're probably not getting one at all!

4. Similar to #3, you won't waste any deposit slips on your refund check. We're savin' those trees, baby!

5. Your in-state college tuition will only go up by 25% instead of 27% next year. That's right, big spender. You'll have a few hundred dollars that won't go to your college education until the next tuition hike.

6. Ending sentences with "... in accordance with Referendum C" actually does sound pretty cool, I have to admit.

7. That middle school down the street with the basketball team that sucks too badly to even justify having the crappy gym they currently play in? Congratulations. You're buying them a new one. I sure hope your kids don't need braces for the next five years.

8. Those nice 200-year-old people down the street will finally be able to afford those cute little scooters. You know, the ones they use to run over children and honk at us able-bodied normal people? Yup, those are the ones. Awww. Isn't that nice?

That's all the benefits I could think of off the top of my head. I'm positive some more will pop up later. I'll be sure to fill you in as they come, in accordance with Referendum C.