Number 1

Mel: Welp, I'm gonna go stab the lizard.

Rory: Huh?

Mel: I said I'm gonna stab the lizard.

Rory: I have no idea what that means.

Mel: You know... go peepee.

Rory: That doesn't make any sense. I think you mean 'BLEED the lizard.'

Mel: What'd I say?

Rory: 'STAB the lizard.'

Mel: What's the difference?

Rory: Um... One's the usual way to say it, and the other makes you sound like a herpetologist who's also a complete idiot.

Mel: I don't know what that word means, so I'm going to assume it was an insult.

Rory: You may have just proven my point. But anyway, why do you want to stab ANYTHING? There should be no stabbing of any kind. Stabbing in that particular area is bad.

Mel: But why would you say bleed? If you're bleeding while you're peeing, then maybe you should see a doctor. Or at least start wearing adult diapers.

Rory: But if you stab something, what's gonna come out besides blood? Blood's involved in the metaphor either way.

Mel: Then why don't you just let me say it how I want and get off my back?

Rory: Because when you say it like that, you sound like a special ed child trying to read James Joyce's "Ulysses" through a kaleidoscope.

Mel: Harsh, dude... harsh. And by the way, thanks for distracting me. I think I just peed my pants.

Rory: Always here to help. Besides, maybe that'll teach you to stop peeing on the seat.