Everything I Know About Love, I Learned From The Movies
As I was sitting down to a nice dinner with my family, it dawned on me that most of what I think I know about love, dating, and romantic relationships, I know from the movies. Why that revelation came to me at dinner rather than during a movie or makeout session is beyond me (hey, cool it; I can hear you snickering from here). I decided to put together a list of everything I've learned about love from the movies:
1. All men who seem to get a lot of women are always perceived as being arrogant jerks, then the woman learns that he is, in fact, the only person who really "gets her."
2. Sex should be expected after three dates.
3. If you're a woman who is at a critical time in your career and your romantic life, the guy you're already engaged to is no good. Why can't you see that? Instead, you should seek out the quiet guy friend you've had since you were eight. He's the one for you.
4. All physically inept men can be taught to dance well enough to impress ANY woman within a period of ten minutes.
5. All women want to get married.
6. There is no man who wants to get married.
7. Hitting is good.
8. No matter how badly you screw things up between you and your date, if you're really meant to be together, you'll end up kissing in the hall outside your apartment.
9. Funny and charming men ALWAYS get hot women.
10. You know that "twitterpated" feeling you get at the beginning of a relationship? Yeah, well, as soon as that goes away, you should get divorced.
11. A solid, honest, meaningful relationship can easily be established through nothing but eye contact at a party, even though you're both already there with other people.
12. If there seems to be a force keeping you apart, it's probably a jealous friend. Interrogate ALL of them.
13. As long as there's physical chemistry, she can be as dumb as a post, and he can be the meanest bastard alive, and they'll still be able to "make it work."
14. In the eyes of every straight male, all lesbians are hot.
15. If your fiancee's ex-boyfriend shows up in town, just cancel the wedding, my friend, because she's going to end up with him, and there's not a thing you can do about it. (Apparently, all women are fickle, gold-digging whores who are only redeemed by their last-minute choice to go with "true" love.)
Let me just say that, if ANY of my real-life relationships ever had a single one of these characteristics, I'd be gone in a second, because that means she watches as much tv and movies as I do.
1. All men who seem to get a lot of women are always perceived as being arrogant jerks, then the woman learns that he is, in fact, the only person who really "gets her."
2. Sex should be expected after three dates.
3. If you're a woman who is at a critical time in your career and your romantic life, the guy you're already engaged to is no good. Why can't you see that? Instead, you should seek out the quiet guy friend you've had since you were eight. He's the one for you.
4. All physically inept men can be taught to dance well enough to impress ANY woman within a period of ten minutes.
5. All women want to get married.
6. There is no man who wants to get married.
7. Hitting is good.
8. No matter how badly you screw things up between you and your date, if you're really meant to be together, you'll end up kissing in the hall outside your apartment.
9. Funny and charming men ALWAYS get hot women.
10. You know that "twitterpated" feeling you get at the beginning of a relationship? Yeah, well, as soon as that goes away, you should get divorced.
11. A solid, honest, meaningful relationship can easily be established through nothing but eye contact at a party, even though you're both already there with other people.
12. If there seems to be a force keeping you apart, it's probably a jealous friend. Interrogate ALL of them.
13. As long as there's physical chemistry, she can be as dumb as a post, and he can be the meanest bastard alive, and they'll still be able to "make it work."
14. In the eyes of every straight male, all lesbians are hot.
15. If your fiancee's ex-boyfriend shows up in town, just cancel the wedding, my friend, because she's going to end up with him, and there's not a thing you can do about it. (Apparently, all women are fickle, gold-digging whores who are only redeemed by their last-minute choice to go with "true" love.)
Let me just say that, if ANY of my real-life relationships ever had a single one of these characteristics, I'd be gone in a second, because that means she watches as much tv and movies as I do.
posted by Vaughan at
11:32 AM
3 Comments:
haha...LOVE it. Darn movies. Geez. This is why I hate watching romance movies...I'll stick to the dark, twisted ones, thank you very much.
Really? This list is precisely the reason I like to watch movies with some movie-style romance in them. Real world romance is awesome, when it's happening to you, but hearing other people talk about it is more boring than Pat Blackburn reading passages out of the dictionary.
Haha...the Blackburn comment warranted an audible giggle.
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