Free Inventor's Kit

If you've ever seen those commercials that begin, "Attention inventors," you'll know what I'm talking about. I love those cheesy ads. There's always some guy who sees some new type of sponge hanging on the corner of a Home Depot aisle, and he's like, "Man! I should've gotten a patent. That was MY idea!" So great. Then, the real ad starts, and the voice-over guy eagerly tells you that operators are literally sitting by their phones in trembling anticipation of your order. And what is it exactly that you're ordering? "A free inventor's kit." I have no idea what that is. Whe I was a kid I thought it was just a toolbox. Hey, it made sense to my ten-year-old brain. Then, when I got a little older, I finally realized what a "free inventor's kit" is. OK, it's got to be nothing more than a huge book with the number for the US patent office written in it over and over again. Apparently, it's far more important to get a patent than it is to actually have a quality idea that's just a little better than "something I created with Play-Doh, toothpicks, and crack cocaine when I was four." Oh yeah, I remember that. Good times, good times.