No Effin' Way

I was at the mall recently when I was brutally accosted by an alarmingly persistent lotion saleswoman. She singled me out in a group of several guys, which really pissed me off, and said, "Would you like to try a new hand lotion?" I looked right back at her and said, "No, thanks. I'm a GUY." Apparently, this saucy little tart had no plans of backing down. She shot back at me with, "You know, lots of guys use lotion." At this point, she was completely behind me, because I hadn't broken my gait or slowed down at all. I turned around and said, "No guys I'm gonna want to hang out with." Man, that lady really made me mad. I don't want your stupid effin' lotion, you jerk. Instead, how 'bout you choke on it? That way, we both win. You don't have to go home and realize that you're selling lotion to guys at the mall for a living, and I never have to see you again. I can't see a downside.