We're Better Off Without Them

The people with the most worthless jobs in the country: those guys who talk down jumpers. I'm so sick of hearing about how it's such a terrible thing for white trash to commit suicide. I say, instead of trying to convince them that their pathetic life is worth continuation, we should shoot them right in the face. Twice, just in case. If you suck at life so bad you can't even commit suicide successfully, you deserve to have your head made into a canoe. Hey, who knows? Their life might be so crappy, we're really doing them a favor by sending them to hell on a shuttle. It can't be worse than living in a forty-year-old trailer with nine kids on a steady diet of velveeta and waffles. And I totally don't buy into that "cry for help" crap. If you really wanted help, you wouldn't pretend you're going to jump off a building. We shouldn't endanger the lives of the police who go out on the ledge to grab these crybabies. Just get a couple snipers, and make sure there's a clean-up crew waiting on the ground below. And also a nice big crowd. That way, people know that if they ever plan on committing suicide, it'll get done.