Eighth Grade "Continuation"

I just got back from my younger brother's "continuation" from eighth grade. "You see, the word 'graduation,' while still a perfect fit for what we're doing, just isn't funky enough for today's on-the-edge youth." That was a paraphrase of the principal's explanation for why we should give two craps about anything she says... Wait. What? That's not what I meant. Sorry. I was thinking about something else... Anyway, that was the principal's explanation for calling it a continuation. OK, not really, but trust me, mine was better than her lame-ass excuse. I bet it's just because no one on staff knew how to spell "graduation." I mean, come on. You don't get stuck teaching middle school English in Monument, Colorado if you know how to spell them fancy-schmancy words like "congrats" and "2005." The high quality we've come to expect from our public school system shone through today when I found myself cheering for Trevor Mofo and Pimp Jackson, due to the unintelligible distortion in the speakers. Whatever your real names are, good luck in that great social experiment we call "high school."

But seriously, though. Congratulations, Jacob. You're my most favoritest youngest brother in the whole wide neighborhood. And world.