An Alternative

I was getting some hot wings with my friends last night, and as usual, the conversation was all over the map. One topic we began discussing was the fact that in Massachusetts, women (or anybody, really) must obtain a permit to carry pepper spray. It's like a weapon, so they have to register as someone who carries said weapon with the state government. That's probably the stupidest thing I've ever heard. One of my friends has another friend who goes to Tufts University. On one of their campuses, they have a set of steps that are known as "the rape steps," for reasons I don't feel the need to explain. The point is, some places are known as extremely dangerous for women to go, and just because one of them couldn't make it to the county courthouse and renew her permit for the year, if she uses pepper spray against a would-be attacker, she's the one who will get fined or possibly arrested. I suggested that women try and make their own versions of a painful yet harmless deterrent without registering with an official can of pepper spray. It's pretty easy to get one of those refillable aerosol cans and fill it with water and habañero sauce and just keep it in your purse. Another guy suggested that it might be easier (and cheaper) to simply carry around a bag of dry ice. It's like 5 bucks at any local 7-Eleven. Just constantly walk around with gloves on, and the second you hear some guy walking behind you in a dark alley or a lonely corner in a parking garage, just turn around and rub a bunch of dry ice in his face. Of course, now we're talking about permanently scarring someone. That would horribly disfigure a man's face. Some might say it serves him right for trying to rape me, but what if he wasn't? What if the girl just dropped her checkbook a few yards back while fumbling in her purse for the opening to that huge bag of dry ice? What if the guy is actually really nice, and he's just trying to give the lady her stuff back? He'd be kinda pissed if she ruined his face forever. And what if she got some in his mouth and forced it down his throat ("Take THAT, you filthy rapist!")? What then? He might be explaining to his grandchildren one day about the importance of minding your own business and never helping anyone, because look at me. Now I can only swallow my food by physically forcing it down the outside of my sternum with these two fingers. Thanks a lot, bitch. What was my point here? Oh, right. Who needs Massachusetts?