Euphemisms
Tom and Harry are at a bowling alley. There's a group of attractive women on the lane next to theirs.
Tom: Oh, man... Look at her. I'd like to polish her balls... if you know what I mean.
Harry: Um, actually, I don't.
Tom: Huh? It's a euphemism.
Harry: No, it's not. Obviously, you're talking about having sex with her. But that makes no sense because the word "balls" doesn't translate to anything in the female anatomy. You're being too vague for your own good.
Tom: No, you're being too vague for your own good.
Harry: What are you, eight? You said you'd like to "polish her balls." I get it. We're bowling. Very topical and clever, idiot. The problem is that the phrase "polish her balls" has absolutely no connection to what you were actually trying to communicate. The only reason I knew what you were trying to say is because you winked and then blew a kiss after you said it. I just wish you hadn't blown the kiss at me. You're so gay.
Tom: Whatever. It got my point across. That's all that matters. Ooo! Look at that one. I'd give her my turkey anytime.
Harry: Ugh. That's the same thing! You're doing it again. "Turkey" is not an acceptable euphemism for genitalia. Anything can be dirty if you say it right. Like "I'd grease her lane." Any jackass can do that.
Tom: Oh, I like that one. Hey! What about "I'd like to strike her pins" or "She looks like she's ready for ten rounds" or "I'd step over her fault line" or "I'd sure like to cover her in a whole tub of that nacho cheese sauce and lick it off her... naked."
Harry: Great. You found a perfect medium there.
Tom: Yeah.
Harry: I was being sarcastic, dick. You're an awful person. How do you sleep at night?
(pause)
Tom: Alone.
Tom: Oh, man... Look at her. I'd like to polish her balls... if you know what I mean.
Harry: Um, actually, I don't.
Tom: Huh? It's a euphemism.
Harry: No, it's not. Obviously, you're talking about having sex with her. But that makes no sense because the word "balls" doesn't translate to anything in the female anatomy. You're being too vague for your own good.
Tom: No, you're being too vague for your own good.
Harry: What are you, eight? You said you'd like to "polish her balls." I get it. We're bowling. Very topical and clever, idiot. The problem is that the phrase "polish her balls" has absolutely no connection to what you were actually trying to communicate. The only reason I knew what you were trying to say is because you winked and then blew a kiss after you said it. I just wish you hadn't blown the kiss at me. You're so gay.
Tom: Whatever. It got my point across. That's all that matters. Ooo! Look at that one. I'd give her my turkey anytime.
Harry: Ugh. That's the same thing! You're doing it again. "Turkey" is not an acceptable euphemism for genitalia. Anything can be dirty if you say it right. Like "I'd grease her lane." Any jackass can do that.
Tom: Oh, I like that one. Hey! What about "I'd like to strike her pins" or "She looks like she's ready for ten rounds" or "I'd step over her fault line" or "I'd sure like to cover her in a whole tub of that nacho cheese sauce and lick it off her... naked."
Harry: Great. You found a perfect medium there.
Tom: Yeah.
Harry: I was being sarcastic, dick. You're an awful person. How do you sleep at night?
(pause)
Tom: Alone.
posted by Vaughan at
2:58 PM
1 Comments:
Hahahaha, I liked this one. So far, all of your 2 person scripts I've been reading would be great shorts for Reagan-Smash to produce. (reagan-smash.com) Do you mind if I pass along some of them to Michael? It's right up his alley, and we have a decent selection of actors who would love to get involved. Let me know. -Jen
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