Always Been This Way
A few years ago, my mom told me something my kindergarten teacher had told her about me in their parent-teacher conference. She said that my teacher had noticed I was... intolerant, to say the least, of some of the other children. I wasn't able to mask my disgust with those around me who couldn't keep up. I was doing this when I was five years old. Can you believe that? I didn't know a five-year-old had the capacity for meanness. Now that I look back on it, though, I probably shouldn't be so surprised. I mean, when I threatened to lynch that one kid, along with his entire "ignorant WOP family," I should have known something was up. When I burned that girl's hair because she didn't know the difference between "wear" and "where," I should have guessed that there was something wrong. I think the big sign that I was a little too insensitive came when I chopped off the left hand and foot of that really stupid kid who, in hindsight, I now realize was probably autistic. Fortunately, Christian schools don't hold back children who are "intolerant" or "insensitive" or "have been convicted of a hate crime." So now you know. I may not have always been the upstanding citizen you've grown to know and love, but at least I was made that way by a wonderful combination of loving parents, sincere faith, and brutal parole officers.
2 Comments:
Mmm, I think I was a charter member of the KKK by the time I was 4. My parent's best friends were black and I spent all my time with their girls, but when I found out they didn't approve of guns I burned their house down. I suppose even at 4 years old I was intelligent enough to realize shooting them would just fuel anti-gun legislation so instead I resorted to arson.
Oh and as for slow people, I recall my first grade teacher sending me from the "smart kids" reading group to the "it's always sad when cousins marry" reading group when I ripped out a girl's throat because she couldn't read well.
Geez. You see, the thing is, Geoff, everybody knows I was joking. With you... eh... not so much.
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