Both Ways, Ladies

I saw an interesting bulletin title on my MySpace profile today. It said "EVERY GIRL!!!" which intrigued me. I thought maybe it was a list of the phone numbers of every girl in America. Or maybe it was how much every girl in the world weighs. Or even every girl who ever used to be a guy. Stuff like that. No, sir. It was one of those oversentimental pithy sayings that make any girl who reads them sigh loudly, then look over at their significant other and scowl in disapproval. It said, and I quote, "Every girl wants a guy who they can run up to in their pajamas, no make-up, and messy hair and he'll say, 'Baby, you're beautiful!'" I nearly choked on my Ovaltine when I read that. I was laughing so hard I think I may have passed out for two or forty minutes. You've got to be kidding me. Ladies, I hate to be a spoilsport (or, as we're more commonly know, "a realist"), but there are like nine women in the world who could get that answer out of a guy, and have him actually mean it. (On a side note, there are only about three guys in the world who would ever actually use the word "baby" when describing a woman, and they are most definitely NOT the kind of guys who would give a compliment like that. Think Biff Tannen in Back to the Future: Part II.) But anyway, I'd like to remind all the persons of the female persuasion out there that it works both ways. Ladies, I promise you, if women randomly walked up to their husbands/boyfriends and said, "You're so strong and brave. I can't conceive of another man being stronger, braver, or more masculine or virile than you. Please, please sit down and relax while I make you dinner and massage your feet with oil and hundred dollar bills," then we men would DEFINITELY give you that compliment and MEAN IT 100%. I'm not kidding when I say that those two situtations are comparable in their relative probability for actually happening. Seriously. That's how far away you are from actually getting that guy that "every girl wants." It's a pipedream. Now make me a steak.