Lefty? Shut Up

Why haven't all left-handed people died yet? I can't believe that evolution has allowed these people to survive as long as they have, which is an easy argument against evolution. Ha! They make me sick with all their left-handed writing and their left-handed talking and their left-handed sleeping and all their other stupid non-right-handed ways. It's a hassle to have them in your family, because they have to be strategically placed around the dinner table so they don't bump their stupid left-handed left hands into anybody else's real hand. Sometimes, I just walk from building to building, kicking left-handed people in the face. How do I know who's left-handed, you ask? Easy. I kick everyone in the face, and the ones who try to block it with their left hands are left-handed. Duh. When I was a little kid, I had to sit down next to a left-handed person. My parents tried explaining to me that they're "just like us," but I wasn't buying it. I kept staring at him, wondering why he was so weird. Eventually, he turned to me (to his left, big surprise) and asked me what my problem was. Instead of answering, I just slapped him. Then, I ran away. Why haven't they been given their own schools yet? I mean, do they honestly expect us to just sit there in classrooms, ignoring the fact that we're right next to a gaggle of south paws? I don't think so. Next time I see a lefty, I'm going to kill him/her with my bare hands. Actually, no. Just one hand.