We All Have Our Strengths
I was sitting in class the other day, and as usual, my mind was wandering. I started thinking about how people from different departments (in the university) might appraoch a word problem. We all have different things we focus on. That's why we're not all planning on being high school teachers. Or engineers. Or chefs. Or veterinarians. Come to think of it, if word problems were given as completely open-ended puzzles instead of JUST math problems, we'd get a myriad of solutions. And a myriad of questions, as well. I jotted down a few ideas as to how people with various majors would approach the same word problem: "If a blue car is traveling at 45 mph, and a red car is traveling in the opposite direction at 30 mph, and they are currently 200 feet apart, when will they cross paths?"
Pre-Law: "Are we measuring from the front of the cars or the drivers' bodies? Are they at an intersection? Define 'cross paths.' Are they going to hit each other, or pass beside one another?"
Math: "OK, then. The answer is... Oh, and by the way, yes, I do realize that this degree is meaningless, and I'll probably end up the night manager of an office furniture store."
Fine Arts: "Who cares? How are the cars decorated? And why red and blue? Those colors are so boring."
Political Science: "Are the cars American-made or foreign?"
Women's Studies: "Who cares? Let's get down to the REAL issue. The ONLY issue that matters in the whole world. This is a sexist question. It assumes that men are driving both cars. I am boycotting this question until women are equally represented in it."
Economics: "Do they own or lease the cars? What is the socio-economic status of the drivers?"
Anthropology: "This is a racist question. Some cultures don't have cars. Down with the white man."
Music: "What were the drivers listening to? Oh really? They suck."
Philosophy: "Forget this question. Do cars even exist? What does the word 'exist' even mean? What if they're not moving at all, and the Earth is actually rotating underneath them? Whoa..."
Film: "OK, is this all in one long shot, like P.T. Anderson or Martin Scorsese? Or is it more like a really quick Darren Aronofsky style hip-hop montage?"
Geology: "Huh? What was the question? I was busy looking at rocks all day and being so cool."
Pre-Law: "Are we measuring from the front of the cars or the drivers' bodies? Are they at an intersection? Define 'cross paths.' Are they going to hit each other, or pass beside one another?"
Math: "OK, then. The answer is... Oh, and by the way, yes, I do realize that this degree is meaningless, and I'll probably end up the night manager of an office furniture store."
Fine Arts: "Who cares? How are the cars decorated? And why red and blue? Those colors are so boring."
Political Science: "Are the cars American-made or foreign?"
Women's Studies: "Who cares? Let's get down to the REAL issue. The ONLY issue that matters in the whole world. This is a sexist question. It assumes that men are driving both cars. I am boycotting this question until women are equally represented in it."
Economics: "Do they own or lease the cars? What is the socio-economic status of the drivers?"
Anthropology: "This is a racist question. Some cultures don't have cars. Down with the white man."
Music: "What were the drivers listening to? Oh really? They suck."
Philosophy: "Forget this question. Do cars even exist? What does the word 'exist' even mean? What if they're not moving at all, and the Earth is actually rotating underneath them? Whoa..."
Film: "OK, is this all in one long shot, like P.T. Anderson or Martin Scorsese? Or is it more like a really quick Darren Aronofsky style hip-hop montage?"
Geology: "Huh? What was the question? I was busy looking at rocks all day and being so cool."
posted by Vaughan at
3:54 PM
2 Comments:
English: "The sun glinted off the hood of the neon blue roadster as it wove drunkenly down the road towards the park. Yellow lines on black pavement measured the 200 feet between its inebriated driver and where the harassed Mrs. Jenson was valiantly trying to drink her Starbucks, give the baby her bottle, get her eldest to secure his seatbelt, and manuever her brand new cherry red(to match her lipstick) SUV all at once. But the coffee slipped, and Mrs. Jenson recovered only just in time to witness first hand the devastation of a 75 mph head on collision. As her hood buckled, she instantly regretted never properly following the carseat installation instructions, and her last feelings were of punctured lungs and a vague curiosity as to whether her blood also matched her lipstick."
Very nice. Sounds like something from one of my more sentimental classmates in my Creative Nonfiction class.
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