You Might Need Just A Few More Rehearsals

At church today, the worship team apparently decided to do something a little different. They had a whole choir. Well, I use the term "choir" loosely. There was a group of people standing on risers and singing... almost together. One of them looked about 9 years old. Another one looked like Kenny Rogers. The bass player looked exactly like Kevin Nealon. I think I've mentioned before that I tend to see celebrities in common, everyday places. Church is no exception. Anyway, I got to see probably the funniest thing I'll see all week. This being Sunday, I know that's a bold statement. One guy looked like Frankenstein's monster on a double dose of Ritalin. NO EMOTION WHATSOEVER. All that emoting seemed to be saved for our next lucky contestant: the only white guy I've ever seen try to "raise the roof" in the middle of a church service. The best part is the fact that he was busier trying to figure out what to do with his hands than he was trying to keep up with the songs. He looked sideways at the words on the screen more often than I did, and I'd never heard half the songs before. He seemed fascinated by something that was happening in the back of the auditorium, though for the life of me, I could swear there was nothing there. I literally started laughing out loud. My sister thought I was having a seizure. Some of the Pentocostals in the congregation probably thought I was "laughing in the Spirit." Those crazy Jesus hippies. And that wasn't even the best part. The choir director looked like she was auditioning as a backup dancer for a J-Lo video. I didn't know church choir directors could drop it like it's hot. You go, girl! I only wish my favorite worship team member was playing this week: a chick who looks exactly like Keith Richards! I kid you not. All she's really missing is about four pounds of cocaine in her bloodstream...