Further Proof That The Human Being Is Stupid

Apparently, there's a new trend among idiots these days. Cell phones are just randomly exploding in peoples' faces! Can you believe that? I can see at least two major problems here. The first is obvious: the cell phone companies are constantly trying to fit more and more features and power into smaller and smaller phones. The second is that stupid people are buying knock-off batteries and chargers for their phones. Listen up, jackasses: if you have to force the charger into the phone, it's a safe bet that it's not the right charger for the phone, genius. These idiots are trying to save themselves four whole dollars and they're paying for it later by getting their FACES BLOWN OFF! Serves you right. And you, phone companies: I don't want a damn phone that takes pictures, sends and receives faxes, sends and receives email, records audio and video, gives me free piles of money, fixes my car, and gives me oral pleasure! All I want is a PHONE THAT WORKS!! Can you do that? Is that too much to ask? Is it too big of a pain for you to give me a phone that actually gets service when I want it!? Get your thumbs out of your butts and come up with a new design, just for me: The Phone That Actually Works. Brilliant, huh? I hope you die, you rat-dick sucknuts.