I Saw What Happened And I Came Out

Nothing like a good ol' car crash to bring the neighborhood together. There was an accident on Baptist Road, right behind my house, just a few minutes ago. It was awesome. At its zenith of populatrity, the crash site boasted four police cruisers, a fire truck (looked like a hook and ladder, I believe), a fire district patrol car (I think it was a Blazer or something like that), a tow truck, and two paramedic vehicles. Oh, and I probably should have mentioned it earlier, but there were only two cars involved in the accident and no injuries. It's amazing how many of those flashy-light-type cars will show up at a site where their presence is completely unnecessary, and perhaps more of a hindrance than anything else. They all stood over the front end of one of the cars and pretended to look interested in the shape taken by the twisted metal. I've never even seen six firefighters at the sight of an actual fire, let alone surveying the aftermath of a fender bender. Apparently, the Pope and Jesus were the two people involved in the accident. That's the only thing that could explain why fourteen people showed up to move a Mazda RX-7 three feet away from where it was at the time of the accident and then stand around looking all confuzed and annoyed like a bunch of black people at a Ben Folds concert. Why on earth did four police cars show up? Did it take them four tries to finally remember to bring the accident report forms? Probably, but that's beside the point. Cops in Monument are excited by the prospect of getting to do anything besides catching speeders on Baptist Rd and arresting local high schoolers for marijuana posession. Why does the town of Monument even have four police cars? That's easy: Fourth of July parades. "Hey Bill, hop in ol' sparky and drive over to Leather Chaps and Baptist. There's an accident. You can probably kill a good three hours on this shift hangin' out at that accident scene. Lucky bastard. I'm stuck here on security detail serving protecting my fellow citizens or some crap like that." Some of you may be saying, "Andrew, it certainly appears that you don't like police officers. Why is that?" That, my friends, is the wrong question to ask. You should be asking yourselves, "Why would anyone EVER like traffic cops? What good has a single traffic cop ever done, besides bringing in revenue for the city by pulling over helpless old ladies and soccer moms?"